The Confusion of Captain Wassock

Captain Wassock is an enthusiastic soul, always looking for opportunities to do good in the world.

But finding those opportunities is harder than Captain Wassock thought.

Front view of Captain Wassock. Captain Wassock is standing face-on to the camera in a bright red, yellow and orange suit, legs slightly splayed and arms hanging down awkwardly at a slight distance from Captain Wassock’s waist. Captain Wassock has an oversize red helmet in the shape of a tea-cosy, with cat-like ears at the top and a gormless open-mouthed expression cut out for eyes, nose and mouth. The trouser legs of Captain Wassock’s bright yellow suit are slightly flared, and Captain Wassock’s footwear, which is bright red like the helmet and gloves, looks a bit like hooves. There is a big black W in an orange circle on Captain Wassock’s chest.

Captain Wassock was first featured in HOW TO SURVIVE A PANDEMIC. But here is the original drawing from Benbo's sketchbook:

Scan of an A4 sketchbook page. Captain Wassock is crudely drawn in black pen outline. Captain Wassock has an oversize helmet in the shape of a tea-cosy, with cat-like ears at the top and a gormless open-mouthed expression cut out for eyes nose and mouth. Captain Wassock is standing face-on to the camera, legs slightly splayed and arms hanging down awkwardly at a slight distance from Captain Wassock’s waist. The trouser legs of Captain Wassock’s suit are slightly flared and Captain Wassock’s footwear looks a bit like hooves. There is a big W in a circle on Captain Wassock’s chest. Hand-scrawled above the Captain are the words ‘Captain Wassock’ and, lower down, slightly to the right of the Captain as we see it: ‘to the rescue!’

Captain Wassock is pure and innocent and will do you no wrong.

However, Captain Wassock's guileless and obliging nature is easily exploited by unscrupulous operators.

For example, when posing for pictures requested by Benbo, Captain Wassock claims they were unaware of their intended use. The image release form presented to Captain Wassock was significantly shielded from view - to the extent, according to the Captain, that it was presented merely as a space for practicing signatures using a novelty Benbo pen.

In fact, it appears to have been an assignment of all rights in perpetuity with no financial recompense.

Benbo went on to coerce Captain Wassock into changing their costume to one designed and owned by Benbo:

Front view of Captain Wassock. Captain Wassock is standing in a straight-legged stance, legs quite far apart. Captain Wassock’s left arm (right as we look at it) is stuck straight out to the side and one of three visible appendages is extended, thumbs-up style. Captain Wassock’s other arm is hanging down on the opposite side, bent at the elbow, hand hidden behind an upper leg. Legs, arms and helmet are coloured bright red. The helmet is a squished igloo shape like a bellend, with tiny eye holes, nothing for the nose, and teeth clenched in a forced smile. Captain Wassock’s suit is yellow over broad, square shoulders and neck; on the chest is a big W in a wonky orange rectangle. The outfit is completed with large pants in the same orange colour.

Benbo charges Captain Wassock rent for this new costume, which Captain Wassock is forced to pay, because Benbo has burned their old costume and confiscated the Captain's wardrobe.

To make matters worse, this new costume severely restricts Captain Wassock's movement, resulting in arm cramps and facial atrophy.

Benbo has since moved into Captain Wassock's flat and rewired the electricity meter to avoid payment. Captain Wassock has been receiving correspondence from the electricity company for some months, culminating in a summons for non-payment of electricity bills and unauthorised tampering with network assets.

As a result, Captain Wassock has become very seriously confused and is currently dependant on community support for daily food and, on some nights, shelter.

Will you consider donating to Captain Wassock's ongoing legal expenses and to their emergency fund?

Sign below to raise awareness of this egregious case of exploitation.

Also, definitely do not purchase any Captain Wassock merchandise as this will only enrich the exploiter at the expense of our sweet, gauche hero.

Solidarity with all those wronged by Benbo.

Goodbye
Team BGM!