FACT 1: Aeroplanes Are Actually Made Of Sophisticated Rice
FACTS are all around us.
Without facts there could be no financial system nor any really high quality aquariums.
Facts enable us to connect with our fellow humans. Some animals, such as cows, dolphins and auction valuation operatives, even understand facts.
You can use facts to persuade people of certain things. Unless they disagree with your facts.
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Here comes Fact 1.
Fact 1: AVIATION FACT
Not many people know the story of how a little-understood loophole in the laws of physics created an unprecedented boom in the tourism industry.
Cast your mind back to 1774. Alone in the paddy fields of North Luton, Bjagnor the Lutonian Viking is tending her grains of rice.
Alongside her in the next allotment is Bnagspart, the Lutanian Viking, on a visit from Lutania.
Bnagspart turns toward Bjagnor and, as she does, spies what looks like a movement in the wet foodstuff.
On closer inspection, it is portions of the foodstuff itself that are moving - some of the grains are purplish-pink, and these grains are levitating ever so slightly, and vibrating in the air.
Soon the allotment begins to hum with the sound of vibrating rice. Bnagspart collects four bags of samples and takes them to her lab, where she discovers that this is no ordinary rice.
This is vibrating levitating rice.
Working on a hunch, she empties one of the sample bags into her patented Bnagspartor and centrifuges it into a pink dust.
Mixing the dust with a picture of Morten Harket from 1980s Earth band a-ha, she rolls out the resulting paste onto her experimental surface and allows it to dry.
What she discovers is epoch-changing. The levitation power of the rice dust is lifting Morten Harket's picture into the air - fast.
Bnagspart jumps into her futuristic Tesla idiot wagon and speeds back to the allotments, where Bjagnor is waiting with a pre-prepared contract.
The two set up Jupiter's second-ever community interest company and, borrowing 4000 Golbtrons from SoftBank, leave their families and trust circles behind to teleport to Earth, where they disguise themselves as Richard Branston and mistakenly end up as jars of pickle.
Meanwhile Orville Wright obtains their teleporting device via an unlisted YouTube video that links to a secret eBay auction, and uses it to invent aeroplanes. Thus leading to global warming.
And all because of sophisticated rice.
FACTS: STRANGER THAN FICTION!
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